


Panda-sitting for Dummies

by St_Salieri



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Brother Feels, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Pandas, Season/Series 07
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-04
Updated: 2014-10-04
Packaged: 2018-02-19 21:59:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2404355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/St_Salieri/pseuds/St_Salieri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Sam and Dean are left in charge of a wild animal sanctuary and panda-related hijinks ensue.  Written as a light-hearted comment-fic for eyestoowide following the angst of episode 7.02.  General spoilers for Season Seven.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Panda-sitting for Dummies

"His name is Brutus."

"Brutus." Sam tries out the name with what he thinks is an appropriate level of skepticism. "Like, from _Julius Caesar_ Brutus?"

Dean stares at him. "Naw, man. From that Rottweiler that belonged to the guy next door when you were...what, eleven? He scared the crap out of you. Remember?"

Sam remembers very well, thank you, and he kinda wants to hit Dean now for reminding him. Brutus blinks up at him, looking very much like a CGI teddy bear and nothing at all like the vicious creature that tried to bite his face off twice a day over a three-month period.

"Fine," he sighs, helpless in the face of Dean's obvious glee. "Brutus it is."

**********

When hunters retire, they apparently live in the middle of nowhere and set up wild animal sanctuaries. In Sam's experience, most hunters die before they can get to the retiring part of the plan, which leaves him with a data set of one in the form of Archie Sherman. Archie is a friend of Bobby's who lives somewhere outside of Bumfuck, Wyoming. Apparently life as a hunter gave him a taste for creatures of all kinds, because upon retirement he started putting up fences and buildings and taking in all kinds of strays that no one else would - everything from hedgehogs to emu to a couple of semi-tamed mountain lions that were once in show business. Archie drives into town once a month for supplies and has no other contact with the rest of humanity, and that's just the way he likes it. Except for when he has to take an extended trip out of the country on family business and find babysitters for his menagerie.

Apparently Bobby owes him several favors. And since Sam and Dean owe Bobby more favors than they can tally up at this point...well, it's not like they can really say no.

"But we're not animal people!" Sam sputters. "What if something goes wrong? What if they need a vet? What if we get eaten?"

Bobby fixes him with a sour look that as good as says, _you took on the devil himself and you can't handle some pesky animals for a few weeks?_

Sam has no power against that look. He doesn't think anyone in the universe does.

They don't officially meet Brutus until their second day onsite. Sam has been too busy going through Archie's binder of meticulous instructions to go out and meet many of the animals, and after spending an hour reading feeding instructions he finally realizes that it's very quiet.

Too quiet.

"Dean?"

No answer, so he's off to investigate. He finally sees Dean standing just inside a large enclosure that backs onto a wooded area of the property. When Dean catches sight of Sam he waves him over, practically vibrating with glee.

"Dude! _Dude!_ " Dean's voice gets mockably high-pitched when he's excited. "Check it out! Do you see him?"

Sam sighs and follows the pointing finger...and his mouth drops open when he sees a baby panda sitting about ten feet away, placidly munching on a pile of bamboo stalks.

"Whoa," Sam breathes.

"Right?"

"Dude! Is that..."

"In the fuzzy flesh. Can you believe it?"

"Whoa," Sam repeats, just for emphasis.

_"Right?"_

"How in the...aren't these guys endangered or something? Zoos across the world are fighting over pandas, and some ex-hunter just happens to have one stashed in his back yard? How is that even possible?"

Dean snorts. "Have you _met_ Bobby's friends? We're lucky it's just a panda and not, like, a baby dragon or something." He starts strolling toward the panda, slowly and carefully. "Hey there, little guy," he croons.

"Dean, watch out." Because apparently he's the only one in the family with any common sense. "It's a wild animal. It's not, like, a puppy or something."

"Damn straight he's not a puppy," Dean says, pausing a couple of feet away from the panda. It appears to shrug and go right back to eating. "I mean, did you see the claws on this thing? He'd be awesome in a fight."

He wants to ask how Dean even knows it's a boy, but his mind is thrown severely off track by the last sentence.

"A fight?" he says incredulously. "What, you're going to train him to attack demons or something?"

"That would be _awesome_ ," Dean breathes reverently, eyes fixed on the panda. It yawns, showing sharp teeth. "They'd never see it coming. He can come on the road with us. The Winchester Brothers and their attack panda. Wait - the Winchester Brothers and their ninja attack panda."

Sam laughs helplessly, loud and long, enough to send the baby panda skittering several feet away. "Sorry," he says to Dean once he's finally under control.

Dean quirks a smile, and there's a crinkle at the corner of his eyes that Sam hasn't seen in a long time.

"Don't scare the wildlife, Sammy. Hey, we need to give him a name."

**********

It's not that Sam doesn't like animals, because he totally does - especially in the canine variety. But wild animals are something else entirely, and it takes a full week before he and the mountain lions have developed a grudging mutual respect. It's not a bad gig, otherwise. Archie's house isn't large, but he has an entertainment center that makes Dean swoon and just about every DVD released in the last ten years. Plus, high-speed internet - and Sam has no idea how in the hell he gets a connection out in the middle of nowhere. He suspects there might be magic involved. Between the twice-daily feedings they have plenty of time to chill out and work on their beer guts. Sam takes the opportunity to make notes on some of Archie's more obscure books for Bobby, and Dean...

...well, apparently Sam has been traveling around with the Animal Whisperer for his entire life and never knew it. He has no idea what combination of attitude, tone of voice and pheromones make Dean irresistible to wild animals and small children, but apparently they love and trust him practically on meeting him. It would make Sam annoyed if it wasn't so freaking adorable.

Dean, being Dean, insists on doing everything according to some kind of internal non-logic that would make a real animal expert howl in protest. Like the way he walks around with scratches on his arms like some kind of battle trophy - "Panda wrestling!" he tells Sam proudly. Or like the time he shows up at the front door of the house with Brutus on a leash and asks Sam if he wants to join them for a walk.

"But, but," Sam sputters. "You can't put a panda on a leash, man!"

Dean looks over at Brutus, who eyes him in return before plopping down on his fuzzy butt and using a paw to drag the leash closer to his mouth.

"Why the hell not?" Dean asks innocently. And Sam apparently has no answer to that, because he just shakes his head in bemusement before grabbing his jacket.

**********

Two more weeks pass, and Sam steps out onto the front porch one lazy afternoon to find Dean sprawled out on a rickety lawn chair in the front yard, asleep and snoring with his mouth hanging open. Brutus is curled at his feet in a black and white ball, all furry and indistinct around the edges.

And, well, Sam has to grab his phone to take a couple of pictures for blackmail purposes later. What kind of brother would he be if he didn't?

He calls Bobby for an update later that afternoon and watches through the kitchen window while Dean kicks a ball around the yard for Brutus to chase.

"No news on the Leviathan front," Bobby says. "Still quiet, from what I can tell. Looks like they're laying low for now."

"Good," Sam says fervently. Outside Dean trips on a tree root and goes down laughing.

"So you boys starting to climb the walls yet?" Bobby asks. "I could rustle you up a hunt if you want me to come out there and spell you for a bit."

"No, that's okay," Sam says quickly. A little too quickly, if Bobby's chuckle is anything to go by.

"Archie called last night," he says, voice warm and understanding and so fatherly it makes Sam's throat hurt. "His trip is taking longer than he thought - maybe two, three more weeks. He wondered if I could impose upon you boys a bit longer. Says he'll owe you one. I'll tell him that will be just fine. Okay?"

"Yeah," Sam says, still watching through the window. Dean has settled down under the tree, head back against the trunk and eyes shut. Sam can tell by the way his hand is twitching that he's on the verge of falling asleep, out there in the big wide world with the open sky above him and the warm ground below him and not a gun within reach.

"That sounds perfect."

**End**


End file.
